As the blog’s title may suggest, I’m Morgan. I am in my very last semester of my undergraduate studies, and on the final stretch before becoming a high school English teacher.
That sounds incredibly “adult.” And very weird. In many ways, I still feel like a teenager - I still identify with that “teenage” part of my brain. I had a discussion with my mom a few weeks ago, and confessed feeling the same way. “I always have,” she explained. “The mental image I have of myself is when I was 18.” Later on, she described feeling, for many years, “like I was fooling everyone, and I was thinking, they can’t possibly think I’m capable of this, I’m still a kid!”
Being entrusted with the curriculum and welfare of many, many students is a weighty responsibility. Throughout my previous semester of student teaching, I had many moments, laced with fear and awe, where I realized the potential impact of what I was doing. Those moments were usually followed by periods where I really didn’t think I could do it. How could I get up in front of so many people and teach them, and expect them to listen? To believe me? To trust me? It didn’t, and still doesn’t, make sense. I identify more with them than I do with the teachers. I feel like a three-year-old trying to file taxes.
And so this is where I am. Stuck somewhere in the middle of a cognitive shift.
In the mean time, I am student teaching and getting a feel for my teacher legs. Which are, incidentally, my adult legs.
- Morgan
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Hi Morgan! I could definitely relate to some things you wrote in your blog. I am 22 years old, but still feel really young. I am really mature for my age and people always tell me I look and act older than I really am. Inside though and at home I feel like I am still a little teenager. My parents joke around all the time about this. They see me watching tv in the living room and say, “Gosh, who would think she’s going to be a college graduate in a couple months!” I cant believe it myself sometimes, but I have been attending CSUN for five years so I defiantly know its time. I have the same fears of standing in a room filled with students and expect them to listen and actually learn. I know I will be ble to achieve this, but it still seems rather odd to me. I think it is great that you are doing your student teaching already and getting the feel for everything. It is definitely different to watch and observe a class rather than stand up there and actually teach. I am looking forward to meeting everyone in class and hope this semester goes great for you! Good luck!
ReplyDeleteHi Morgan,
ReplyDeleteThis is also my last semester at CSUN and while the thought of graduation is exciting, it also makes me nervous because soon I have to go out in the real world and do adult things when I still feel like a teenager. Just saying that makes me sound like a teenager rather than an adult. I'm curious as to how the heck I'm supposed to control a large group of high school students and make them listen to me. We are definitely on the same page! I think it would so nice if I could fast forward a few years and be set at a school and be confident and know what I'm doing. I still have a lot to figure out when it comes to teaching. I haven't started student teaching yet, but I am nervous. This is definitely a transitional stage and I, too, am caught in the middle of the stage between being a teenager and an adult. Well, I enjoyed reading your blog and I'll see you in class!
I think I know who you feel about the whole “adult” thing; I still can’t believe that I’m graduating in May, let alone having a career. Sometimes I even think who would even give me a job, I still feel like a kid and don’t know if I’m ready for what’s on the other side of the door. I work at my old high school and for lunch I sometimes go to the teacher’s lounge, 2 out of 5 times a teacher will ask me to leave, thinking that I’m a students.(you know what I say: thanks for crushing the spirits of a new-high-school-teacher-wanna-be; well I don’t actually say this, but I really want to) But I think we all have to get over that fact pretty quick, (or just pretend that we’re Peter Pan, either one work for me!)
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